Sunday, June 26, 2011

A Lot of Heavy Things On My Mind Today

Sundays always depress me. I haven't been able to figure out why. It's just strange. But that's how its been for at least the last 5 years. To be honest, I believe it has something to do with church. Sometimes I wake up and am doing great. Go to church, come back and am just way depressed. It's not about the subject matter either. I mean talking about tithing or something isn't depressing. Yet I still get depressed and it lasts the whole day too. I hate it. I don't know how much longer I can handle it, or what to do about this problem either. Today is a particularly bad one. It's Sage's Birthday, which a great thing! But we got news today that one of my Dad's best friends died yesterday. Heroin. He was a great guy! a real character. fun to be around. I didn't know him that well, but he'd drop in here and there to say hello. 

Sometimes I look through my suggested friends list on Facebook. see the names of all the people I used to know from my Middle school days. I wonder if they still remember me. Probably not. I think about adding them, but what would we ever even talk about? Then I begin to wonder what life would be like if I went to Timpview. I'd have all my old friends and everything. It was hard going to Walden, for the sole reason that I may never see some of my old friends again. But then I start to think again "what if I didn't go to Walden". all those beautiful people I would probably never have met. Imagine a life without Ingrid. or Dallas, or Jess, Or Ethan, Or Genevieve, or Conrad, or Jairen or Maren and Camille and everyone else from Walden(I would write all their names, but I'm on a time crunch). It brings a tear to my eye to think of never meeting any of them. I'm Scared. Scared of going off to college and never seeing any of them again. like most of my Centennial friends. Scared of living a life without those amazing souls that mean so much to me. I pray that day never comes. But I fear that it will. and soon too. being a senior, I don't have much time. I fear all I'll have left is memories.

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