It appears that I may need to clear up a few myths. I have been waiting to write about this for a while, just to make sure. In my typical fashion, I write or say that I'm not in love anymore...and the next day or so I fall in love again. But that is not the case now. It's been three whole months since I've been in love. I don't know when or how it happened, but one day I realized I wasn't romantically interested in anyone. Don't get me wrong, I find many women very attractive and really fun to be around, but I'm just not interested in romantic relations with any. I don't feel like I can flirt anymore either (and maybe I can't). To be honest, the whole thing is really quite freaky. Doesn't make any sense to me. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to get married any time soon, so it probably doesn't matter all that much. I just want friends right now.
Other Happenings. Life has been whack lately. The last month or so, I feel like I've been living in a dream or something. Most things don't seem to affect me. Also I don't really know what to say anymore about anything. I've been more depressed than I generally am, but life has been really hard for me the last seven or so months, for various reasons that I won't mention. And my memory, something terrible has happened to my memory. I forget so much more than I used to. I've had the strangest of moods ever! Like in Seattle this past week. Also, when did I learn so much about baseball? I have become so much more serious in the last couple of months. Maybe more mature and boring too. Certainly less funny. Geez, I feel like I've been alienating myself from the world. But I haven't been doing anything different than I always used to do. I can't figure out whats happened. I still read my scriptures and pray every day. I don't do any drugs, so that certainly isn't it. Hmm, maybe I'm going through puberty again (Sure hope not!). Or my midlife crisis. Guess I'll only live to be 34. Whatever is happening though, I wish it would STOP!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Things have been strange lately. I have zero desires to be wild. I also don't care about having attention either, which is a big part of why I blog a lot less now. I used to have to brag and tell everyone about everything I was doing, a real attention whore. Ha ha yeah, that's what I was. But these days, I'm happy to roll on the more unnoticed side. I mean heck, I just went to Mexico for a week, and only like 20 people total even knew I went. Think I may be starting to slip back into one of my little anti-social phases. Which I kind of enjoy, I usually just do a lot of art. My creativity levels seem to spike during these anti-social sessions. Another thing is somewhere in the last month or so I've gained great amounts of self discipline. For the past few weeks, I've written in a journal every day (among other self disciplinary things). That's something I've always had problems with being able to do. And homework, I've been cranking it out like crazy. Which leads to another thing. Timing. Timing has been wild for me lately, all my plans have been working out (knocks on wood). First there was the School play. That ended just in time so that I could make my poster for the Senior Luncheon and then run off to Mexico. I got back from Mexico the night before the Senior Luncheon. I then had a day to finish all of my Finals for classes. This Saturday I'm going to the Provo Temple ground breaking, and that night seeing Social Distortion. The 18th is Graduation, the 20th is Seminary Graduation, and the 21st I leave for Seattle on a school trip. So I've been able to do everything without having to choose priorities. Another thing is, I've been super relaxed. Haven't really been stressed out in the last few months. I'm just kind of doing my own thing these days. Not worrying about what others think, and not getting involved in too much drama. The only thing is: I just need to figure out what I'm going to do all summer.