Monday, January 30, 2012

Temporary Vacation

It is my regret to inform you dear bloggers? Bloggees? Blog stalkers? that I will probably not be writing for a while. Because...well nevermind. Nor will I be on facebook very often. so I suppose if you wish to contact me, you'll be most successful by calling/texting me: 801-440-5485 (cell phone), or emailing me at: 
Anyways, that's all I have to say for now. I'll attempt to write as often as I can, but we'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I have this problem with creating music. Now that I'm thinking about it, I have no idea why I'm telling you this. Probably because blogging has become one of my last few outlets of expressing myself. Anyways. Music. I can't write it. I mean I can, but I have zero self confidence when it comes to writing music. Which is a little strange, cause I'm generally a pretty confident person. I can't sit down and write songs. I've probably written somewhere near 200 bass lines that could be turned into songs. only one has. The Girlfriend Song, and that was actually slowed down and modified from the original bass line. Even worse than that, I never feel like I can write lyrics. I mean loads of great songs have super simple lyrics, which makes me think that I can write lyrics. Nope. I can't do it. and to try and combine the music with lyrics...impossible! I never feel like I'm very good at playing Instruments either. People tell me I am, but maybe they're just being nice. Another strange thing though is if I perform music in front of audiences, I'm confident. Like when Dallas and I performed at Timp Lodge this year. No butterflies, no stage fright, no doubts, I can just get up there and do it. And I like to perform too. It's a bloody problem! cause I love music so much, and I would love touring, and being a musician...but the whole writing thing is a big issue. anyways, I didn't mean this to be a complaint session, just throwing things out there, getting them out of my head.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Had to Cry Today

    Crying. It's a beautiful thing. No one likes to be sad, or have bad things happen to them. I know I don't. But I think crying is an essential part of life. I've always been a crier. Movies, books, and music get me all the time. As well as life experiences. It reminds me that I'm human. Humbles me. And I feel like every time I cry, I learn something from it. Become more connected with my heart and soul. Like I said, I don't like to be sad, but crying is just nice. and you certainly don't have to be sad to cry either! Tears of joy are just as great if not better. After a good long cry, I always feel better too.
    One of my fondest childhood memories is of crying. When I was roughly around nine years old, my dad read Sage and I all of the Great Brain books. We loved listening to them every night. Once we finished reading all of the books in the series, we picked up another book by J.D. Fitzgerald titled: Papa Married a Mormon. It was basically an autobiography of Fitzgerald's childhood. I remember coming to the end of the book, reading the passage where he is talking about his dying father. My Dad and I just sat there, crying our eyes out, unable to read any further. It was one of the most amazing and beautiful moments of my life. I'll never forget it. In fact, It's getting me all teary eyed right now just thinking about it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Fed up.
This ain't no way to live.
and I can't do it no more.
too many mind games
too many mess ups
too many hopeless ideas.

Stab the Heart.

sure it will hurt at first.
get a little blood on the floor.
but the way I see it: can't go down hill much further.
then ya build yourself a new one.
replace it with stone.
inject some of that Xylocaine for good measure.

then, then you'll be invincible.
no more falls
no more breaks
no more worries.
yep. the way I figure it, only one thing left to do:
Stab the Heart

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Change

continuing the story of my last post.

I had become my own worst enemy. In my state of craziness, I did many regret able things. Things I'm not one bit proud of. I was living in Hell. I was filled with a sickly feeling, and everytime I thought about the things that I did, I wanted to vomit. And yes yes, there are many things worse than what I did, but that's not the point. I'm better than that, and I knew it. My soul was beginning to turn black. I hated being me. 

Then I decided to change. I couldn't take it any more. I was at the end of my rope. Suicide seemed like the way to go. Just end it all. But through a fortunate spell of divine intervention, I opened my scriptures. And that's something I'd never really done before. I never read scriptures. I liked Seminary for some reason, but I hated church. Truth be told, I had never really care much for religion. But I started reading. And the moment I did, my happiness level skyrocketed. The evil was gone. Suddenly I was full of joy, calmness, I was content. And I began to read every day. Things were going so much better. Life was beautiful again. And It lasted for quite a while. Until I messed up again. And man do I regret it. I knew it was wrong. But I did it anyways. And I fell right back into the pit. Darkness. Life was terrible again. This time, a few good friends were there to save me. whether they know it or not. They seemed to say to me "Come with us, live the good life. you can do it! so come on". And I know that I will never ever be able to repay them for what they did. But they saved my life. I got back on the path again. Started reading scriptures, praying, going to church, seminary, all that good good stuff. Once again, Life became beautiful. I loved it. And there was Peace. Nothing seemed to affect me, or at least not as much. The mounds of homework weren't stressful. I just took my time, and tackled it. I was flying on a different cloud. The happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Because I started to do what was right, follow what I know to be true. Soon after, I received my Patriarchal blessing. and Wow. What a powerful experience that was. I told me about everything I could ever ever possibly want out of life, and how to get it. that all the stupid stuff I was worrying about, doesn't even matter. There are greater things out there! For the most part, the last few months of my life have been simply amazing. Things have been peaceful. I've been happy. But life is hard. sometimes you slip up a little. But by living the gospel, in these few hard times recently, all kinds of little miracles have been happening. I feel like I've learned so much. And there is still alot I hope to learn. 

In closing, I just want to say how grateful I am for Jesus Christ, The gospel, Scriptures, family, and the best friends anyone could ever have. Prayers are answered, and boy do I know it. The scriptures are true (if you don't believe me, pick up a copy of The Book of Mormon for yourself and give it a try. you won't be disappointed). And because of all that, my quality of life has increased. Nothing can stand in my way anymore. I know what I want, I know the way I want my life to be, and this is it. The life of true happiness.