Saturday, December 31, 2011

Retiring the Tattered Jacket

Let me tell you a little tale. Or rather, a documentation of a period/ style of my life. Story Time with Morgan. Yes yes, believe it or not, everything I am going to write about is 100% true.

When did it all start? who knows. But I'm going to tell the the story of my wild years. round about seventh grade I suppose is where it all began. The mismatched shoes, the colorful clothes, the frantic ideas and strange situations. Back in the day, it all started as a joke. The costumes and such. My way of making fun of click's and the silly social rules that exist. I started to become famous for my Orange pants and mismatched shoes. The people of Centennial loved it (well some of them). One kid legitimately wrote a song about my pants and sang it everytime he saw me. Anyways, it was during those times that I began to mold myself, into the person who doesn't care what other people think of him. But high school, that's where it really went wild. I didn't stop at the pants. Oh no. I moved on to Dresses, skirts, strange clothes, tophats and so on. And I was crazy. Nothing could stop me. I was on a warpath. Always trying to top my last stunt. Saying crazy things, doing crazy stuff. And then there came the Pink Floyd era. I became addicted to the album The Wall. listened to it over and over and over. I would listen to it and dance around my room, chanting, howling. I was watching all kinds of crazy surrealist movies and such. At one point, I legitimately thought I had gone insane. That I would never be able to think straight again. These were wild times. Times when I lived by the phrase "anything goes". And I didn't care what happened to me. Then the impulses came. Bam! they'd hit me lick a brick. completely take over. And I'd end up doing wild stuff. like: leaving secret packages on a girl's doorstep at 3 a.m. (which is actually one I'm really glad I did), dumping gasoline on a $200 ipod and lighting it on fire, painting all over my shirt and face rather than the canvas. Other things like that. And I sure made some pretty stupid decisions during that time period. I was becoming a monster. For a while, a ton of people thought I was a homosexual (which i'm not. trust me, you'd know. I don't care too much for closets) because I'd go to dances and dance with guys, and act gay, just for the heck of it and to freak people out. But I was starting to Hunter S. Thompson myself. Meaning: I had built a reputation I couldn't live up to anymore. People expected me to wear orange every day. and when I didn't, they were disappointed. Costumes had to get crazier and crazier. you have no idea how hard it was to think up things for Halloween! I couldn't live without madness and chaos. And oh boy, you should have seen me when I was time I started eating gravel (not too tasty, wouldn't recommend it). I was killing off what I guess you might call my "sweet side". 

Then I started to realize "wait a minute, this isn't who I am. This is what I have become". But I couldn't get out. And I just wanted people to see me for who I really was/am. Not this monster I had become. All kinds of rumors were going around about me. Which at first was kind of flattering. Then they got out of hand. In fact, just a few weeks ago I was asked about one. Apparently some people had been told, and actually believed, that I would capture my neighbors cats, brutally slice them up, and eat them. I kid you not, that is a legitimate rumor that was out there...don't know where that came from, but apparently people actually believed it. Lot's of people also assumed I was some crazy drug maniac. Fortunately I never really got into that scene, cause I probably would have been. Collected quite a wardrobe though. I was looking at it the other day and thought to myself "Geez, all I need to do is move to Vegas, I mean I already look like I could be a cocaine fiend". Though I have lost most my interest in dressing up now. But then, I threw in the jacket.

.....To Be Continued   

Monday, December 26, 2011

The End

I was at the top of my game.
The perfect hand.
I had seen the light.
And I knew how I was going to play my cards.

Then the tide changed.

I don’t know why.
Or how it happened.
But I fell.
Just when I was about to lay it down,
I lost it all.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

But I’d worked so hard.
Given it my all.
And somehow I paved the way for another.
Gave him all the keys.
Taught him all the tricks.

I thought it was the one.
I was in for the kill.
But in the end, I won nothing.
Nothing but a fit of jealous rage.
And a dark black hole to be sick in.

And I screamed out at the world.

Cursed it’s very name.
I tried to escape.
Tried to escape.
But I couldn’t.

For deep down, I still want to play the game.

But why?
There is nothing in it anymore.
No strawberry pancakes.
No subtle convictions.
No more adventures.

All I have left is a Fool’s hope
And a shiny dagger.

Saturday, December 24, 2011


Dear Little Brother, 

     You gave me quite a scare this morning. I awoke to find that you decided to give Mom a night of excitement and a trip to the hospital. Let's just say you made a big splash. Now I suppose the waiting game begins. But take your time. There's no rush. I'm sure you've heard talk about all the exciting festivities going on this winter month. And I imagine you want in on them. But you'll get your chance. There are many holiday seasons yet to come. The world can be a dark dark place. The way I see it, there is no hurry to get out here. Yet there is still  much good to be found. I look forward to meeting you. Don't tell anyone, but between you and me, I actually am a sucker for newborns. I love to hold them in my arms and ponder the beauty of life. How innocently it begins. I wish I were innocent again. Even though I'm nearly 18 years older than you are going to be, we'll still have good time together. It will be weird growing up, As I have to get on with my life, I feel that the next few years won't provide us enough time to get acquainted. But don't worry, we'll have our days, our grand adventures.

      When Zander said we should name you "Geronimo Stiltskin" he was only joking, or maybe confused. You don't need to live up to his name for you. For I have been told the name we'll call you is Leo. The lion of zion. hmm. maybe that will be my nickname for you. Though maybe it's your time, I mean what do I know? That's between You, Mother, and God. You're a lucky one little brother. you've already got a lot going for you. Great parents, and a whole slew of siblings who love you dearly. You're going to live a good life, full of beauty and happiness. I can feel it in my heart. But times are going to get tough. I can understand that. It's just a part of life. Just remember, there are people who care for you, who love you. And I'll always have an open ear if you need someone to talk to. Even at 3 a.m. when you sneak out of the house to pay me a visit.

                                                                                                                        Big Brother

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

They Know Where to Find Me

I think I've paid my dues. Spent enough time chasing girls. Now I'm going to retire for a while. As my dad always used to say "Girls are nothing but trouble". I'm finally starting to believe him a little. Oh well, whatever. I regret nothing about all my romantic days. They'll come again. I think one of the problems is: a lot of women probably can't handle me. Meaning, I'm too crazy, with my whacky costumes, spur of the moment ideas and such. Also, I'm super open and honest about my life. I feel like that kind of scares the ladies away. and the fact that 97% of the time I could care less what people think of me factors into all of that too, cause I pretty much just do what I want. And maybe I'm completely mistaken, but it seems like all that tends to add up. But hey, That's who I am. And I'm not about to change that for any silly girls. Truth be told, I'm still completely mystified/confused/shocked over how my last two would be heartbreaking experiences have had no effect on me at all. It freaks me out. So yeah, I'm going to take a break for a while, quit worrying about all that stuff and just live life. I figure if the ladies are interested, they know where to find me....I think?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Gave Into the Evil

Well everyone, if you didn't already know, I gave into the evil and got a cellphone. Yep. Now why on earth would I do that? well, I figured it was finally convenient enough to get one. Decided I would actually use it. And so far I have. It's been pretty nice for communication abilities. But I do have to say, I'm not so sure how much I like the idea that people can always track me down now. So yeah, I got it for the purpose of easy conversation, a secret reason, and to help people out. I decided I wanted to be able to be contacted by my friends if they were feeling down, needed help with something, just wanted to chat, or hang out. so if you ever find yourself wanting to do any of those things, give me a ring (or you can send me one of those new fangled text messages). The only time I won't answer, is if I'm busy at work, driving, or doing something else highly important (which isn't very often). Seriously, if you're feeling down, want to talk about things or whatever, don't be afraid to call. Even at ridiculous hours of the night or morning. I mean who needs sleep anyways? (but if you want to get a hold of me during the night, it's best to call). Anyways, call me sometime. 801-440-4585

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Week of Misfortune?

Girl troubles. All of them at once. Now that I've caught your attention, it's story time. Last friday, I discovered that this girl I like is moving...but I didn't hear it from her. So for the first time, the song Heard it Through the Grapevine by CCR was applicable to my life. Though she did not personally tell me until this Tuesday that she would be moving. Moving moving moving away. That very same day (tuesday) I discovered that she was asked out by another guy. Thus making her not single anymore. I kind of saw it coming though. I was beat to the punch line. Though I'm not sure if I would have asked her out. but given another week or so, It's more than likely I would have. 
Which brings us to round two. Wednesday I was talking to my friend about this girl he may like. He and her have been flirting it up a bit recently. uhh nevermind. I'm going to end that story there. For both their sakes. Anyways, Wednesday afternoon I was pulled aside by this other lovely lady I like and we had a little chat. Possibly the most confusing conversation I've ever had. Learned many interesting things from it though. What I think she was getting at is: let's just be friends. I have to say, I truly admire her for having the guts to do it! I mean that's pretty hard to go up to someone and tell them how it is, especially if you are friends and don't want to hurt them. I think it was probably pretty awkward for her too. But for me personally, it wasn't. Cause there are very few situations that I find awkward (but that's a whole other story I shan't tell). But now I think we're headed in the direction of one of those awful stages where we don't talk to eachother, cause I'm supposed to be heart broken, and she feels bad. I really really hate that stage. It seems to ruin a friendship like no other. Least from my experiences with it. and I don't want that at all. AT ALL! 
Now for the last part. yeah, yeah, I know I should be super sad and probably crying my eyes out right now. With two broken hearts. But the truth is, neither of these experiences have made me even a tiny bit sad, mad, depressed, or any of that. and I'm not going to drive any cars off a cliff because of it. (though I'd maybe drive one off, but just for an adrenaline rush, and to say I did). The thing is, normally this kind of situation would make me crazy depressed. But if anything, It's put me in an ever better mood. I'm not kidding. This is 100% straight cold truth. Legitimately the strangest phenomena I've ever experienced in my life. Let's just say prayers are answered in the most peculiar of ways sometimes. Now it's time to make sure that whole awkward avoiding stage thing gets kicked in the face. So I'm going to try my hardest! I suppose I don't have much good luck with the ladies, but someday I'll find the one. And when I do, I'll marry her.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Never Ending Love Story?

Never in my life have I liked a girl for this long. And at first I just kind of figured it would be the same as all my other little flings. Lasting maybe about a month. But this has not been the case. It's been a year now. And there have been times in between, where I have tried to like other girls. But at the end of the day I end up saying "Morgan Knapp. who do you think you are kidding? stay true to your heart, cause none of them compare to her". And there is something really special about her, or rather, many things. Though I'm not sure I really understand what it is. But I do know that she has helped me through so many hard times. She never fails to cheer me up. She inspires me to be a better person, to do what I know is right. I truly love every moment I spend with her, it's created some sweet memories that are very precious to me. I can be myself around her too. there is no pressure to show off, or be someone I'm not. Truth be told, I'm not even sure if she likes me or not. But I'm hopeful, or maybe just foolish. But  It's been so good for me and my development as a person, to be in love with her. and I regret nothing. So thanks for making my life a better place.