I'm no Mark D Chapman, but....

I feel that I'm pretty similiar to Holden Caulfield (main character of catcher in the Rye). I got to thinking about it. And am now deciding to write it down. obviously he is only a fictional character, but I'm going to speak of him as an actual person. here goes. We both hate cheesiness. Can't stand phony people, people that don't really care about you but pretend they do. We are both always having "great" ideas that never happen. A lot of things both of us do are spur of the moment just cause i feel like it kind of things. We both enjoy flying solo, doing our own thing. we fall in love way too easy. Holden doesn't seem to really know where he's going. like with his future. Certainly I don't know that either (least at this point). hopefully I'm not as self centered as him though. but i suppose I'll leave that up to you to decide

Child Abuse

I must say I haven't written in quite a while. thought about it a few times. then decided I didn't want to write about this or that. however, I am writing today to talk about how sick child abuse makes me. How can anyone be so fucked up that they start harming children? either sexually, emotionally, or physically. There is an evil so foul upon this earth, an evil that resides all over. I decided to look up the statistics of child abuse. Every 10 seconds there is a report of child abuse. 5 children every day die from some form of child abuse. Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child. Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy. Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime. And thats only in the U.S.! There is currently a documentary out about child abuse in the Catholic church. its called "Deliver us from Evil". I recommend watching it. Another problem is a large portion of children who are or have been abused never admit it, because they are so terrified of the consequences. They day I turn 18, I plan to somehow get a motorcycle and join the motorcycle gang "Bikers Against Child Abuse". I think its an amazing group. you should all go to this website and read what they are about. at least scroll down and read the 4 levels of intervention.

http://bacaworld.org/about/mission/

Un Healthy

I'm honestly convinced that school is driving me to be mentally mad. I can't think straight anymore, I'm sick of everyone. The only thing i really want to do anymore is just play my organs. when I try to do homework its hard to stay focused (never really had that problem before). I just want to be completely alone with no one around to bug me, to do my own thing. School and Homework I believe to be the main factors of these awful changes. More so Homework because there are a million other things i could be doing at home but yet i have to sit here and do bloody homework all day long so I don't fail life.

best buds

I think I'd get along quite well with Tom Waits, Jim Morrison, Andy Warhol, John Lennon, all members of the Grateful Dead, Ken Kesey, Johnny Depp, Jorma Kaukonen and Hunter S Thompson. We'd just be crazy all the time. Eccentric freaks just doing our own thing. loads of parties, strange times, good fun. but then again I get along well with most everyone

D.I.

that place just depresses the hell out of me. Seeing homeless people walking around the store and such. Occasionally you can find some really good stuff, but there is also a lot of junk. I always get this awful vibe when I go to D.I. don't know what it is, but I try and get out of there as fast as possible.

Cursed!

I honestly believe I'm cursed. at least as far as my love life goes. just as soon as I decide I don't care about liking anyone, some girl has to come along and catch my eye. But I never manage to make it any farther than flirting. Why?! I usually just get put in the friend category, which isn't bad, but still. Maybe its cause I'm not a douche bag. cause I sure know a lot of douche bags that have girls crawlin' all over them. Another things that usually turns out to cause problems is I'm really open about almost everything. Pretty sure I've told every girl I've liked, that I like them, (except maybe 1 or 2) all throughout my life. Currently I'm in the not caring too much stage. But none the less, I truly am cursed!

New Years Resolutions

1. Learn how to play the Organ
2. be in a band
3. go on more Photo shoots than this year
4. make new friends (which I always do)
5. graduate early
6. hopefully take a road trip somewhere
7. get a girlfriend
8. perform at a concert
9. try many new things
10. be more social
11. figure out what i want to do with my life
12. do some crazy stuff
13. become a better person in general
14. realize that its actually a month away from the new year, before i write this

those are the ones i can think of at the moment. not in any specific order or importance though. we'll see how many i actually get done

Optimisticality

I've been an optimist for as long as i can remember. not the kind of "glass is half full" optimist, but the "at least I have a glass kind". Not a cheesy optimist, but a realistic one. no matter how hard I try to stay angry or sad or whatever, It never lasts long. even in the most intense situations. such as: thinking I'm going to die while ice climbing, then I think "at least I won't have to hike out of here, or its a cool way to go". I mean I've accepted the fact that I'm going to die sometime so why worry about it? No matter how bad things have ever gotten I always find something to laugh and be optimistic about.

greetings

why do we have to greet people? hiking around the middle of no where, you come upon someone else, why do we say hello? how did that become the thing to do? I personally don't like to say hello in situations like that, but then you seem rude. another thing is goodbyes. "see you later" we both know we'll never see eachother ever again, we barely just met, so we aren't friends. but See ya later! saying "have a good night" is always weird to me especially if its to a couple. am I implying they should go get it on? or what? its just weird to me that we have to say things like this.

a Bottle of Stirred Insanity Spiked with a Hint of Fear

recently I stumbled upon the question "what have I been doing my whole life?" unfortunately I haven't yet stumbled upon an answer. Certainly I've done many fun/crazy/exciting things. What career should I pursue? what will the world be like in 10 years? How many of my current friends will I still talk to? hopefully all or at least most of them! Sitting in church today I realized I don't know these people, even though I've gone to the same ward my whole life. And Quite frankly I don't really care. I really don't have anything in common with these people, besides where we live and attend church. Sitting here even now, I just came to the discoverey that I don't have much in common with most my relatives either. extended relatives that is, aunts, uncles, cousins. Specifically on my moms side. Other than some person ages ago deciding there was a group of people called a family, and that we all have to get together and hang out, I would never spend time with these people. Not saying I'm ungrateful to have them, just that we have nothing besides history in common.

Spaghetti with a side of Hamburgers, served by Ian

this actually has nothing watsoever to do with spaghetti, hamburgers, and little to do with a man named Ian. yet it has everything to do with my love life...or rather lack of it. who do I like? well that is an excellent question. a question that I can't currently answer for I myself don't know. Its certainly hard at Walden, cause most relationships there don't last very long (although there sure are some exceptions). another problem is if you have a bad breakup...you can't really avoid that person. As well as a personal issue for me is: all the gals cool enough to hook up with, I don't want to ruin my relationship with them in any way. Its odd because there are often times girls that like me, but it never seems to work out. Such as me liking them, then someone else and when I start liking that other person, the girl I previously liked all of a sudden likes me...but by then its usually too late. there have been a few times where it worked out, for a while, but we don't talk about that. Truly I don't care If I ever get married. It would be nice to? but I'm sure fine with being single and dong my thing. what drives me crazy though are those girls that flirt with you and don't actually like you. Mostly I've given up on the whole "Love" thing for the time being. which means that probably tomorrow some girl will walk past and I'll be thrown into this mess again

anti- antisocial?

I've always been antisocial in a sense. typically I would rather be on my own. I'm easily entertained and can't stand drama. I don't hang out with people super often. But somehow amidst all that, I make friends really easy. Hardly have any enemies, get along with almost everyone. Its always been really strange to me how that all happens! I'm the kind of guy who could go off and live alone for the rest of my life somewhere in the mountains. so somehow I'm somewhat antisocial, yet I have tons of friends. I'll probably never know why I'm like this

Dark Times

dark times, yes, they happen to even me. when did it all start? now thats a question I can't truly answer. My best guess is the end of 7th grade. I'm not certain what caused it, but it was bad. now what on earth is he talking about you may ask? suicide. I wish I could remember why I was contemplating such a thing, but alas I can't. however the next year was worse. the winter of 8th grade is probably the peak of it all. At one point I was so sick of everything I went upstairs, grabbed a knife and held it to my chest. Inches away from my self inflicted death. I stood there for who knows how long, 10 minutes? 20? 30? finally I decided at that point I couldn't do it. I returned back to my room and listened to the Counting Crows album August and Everything After, probably 2 or 3 times. later that week I found myself standing there with another knife and yet again I couldn't go through with it. Time passed. from what I remember things got better (even though I don't know what caused such depression). 9th grade came and went. I was mostly fine for all that time. 10th grade came. I was doing good. then matters got a little worse. I was sick of school, sick of homework, sick of everything. I began reading Catcher in the Rye for english. I related to the book really well. and that scared me. but I do indeed love that book. it made me think alot about life, where I was going, what I was gonna do. mid fall of last year, I freaked out. went literally insane. almost did it again. but instead I ran away. grabbed my sleeping bag and went to an abandoned field near my home. layed there for a few hours. then a bunch of creepy hobos came passed and I decided to go home.

this year. It was early. probably September. Girl trouble. but before that, Dallas, Shannen and I hung out at the mall. honestly, I hate malls. we met up and were trying to find Jessi. we all started freaking out about how pissed she was going to be since we couldn't find her. It was weird. but we spoke of suicide. how we were each going to do it. it was a bad time. roughly a month later dallas, ethan and I were at my house and horrible truths were told. Things that should never ever be heard by any human being! (they weren't about us) we were all in a bad state. and that is as far as I'm going to go on that topic. and after that is when the girl problem truly started. and that whole thing was really stupid. but basically I almost lost a good friend from it. one day, I went home and made a playlist called "The End" of all the songs I would listen to before ever killing myself. It still exists, in fact I'm listening to it at the very moment. currently things are pretty good. all that previous stuff has been worked out. but do know this....if I ever decide to do it. It will be a really unique/crazy/awesome way of going. so if you turn on the news someday and hear a loon committing a crazy suicide, just remember the good times we've had. and honor my funeral requests (previously listed somewhere on my blog)

to quote Social Distortion "It's Heaven and Hell here, which one will I live today?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8eDUT7iyDk

driving

I have recently found great joy in driving home different ways. Rather than going down boring ol' 9th east like I usually do. I just start out driving in the general direction, having no idea where I actually am going. Sometimes I get to a place and have no idea where on earth I have ended up. But I just keep going and eventually make it home. It makes the ride much more enjoyable, exciting and strangely relaxing. so there you have it

Interruptions

I really hate being interrupted! like sitting here trying to do my homework and someone comes and tells me i need to do something. and usually they could have already done that task in the amount of time it took to come and get me! I mean if i'm in the zone, leave me be! Cause stuff like that just pisses me off! when I start to do something I don't leave it til I'm finished! so I've decided I'm going to move to the alps of Austria or Switzerland, live in a small quiet village. A village where you walk down the street everyday to buy fresh bread and food from the market. In the afternoon I'd roam around the snow capped peaks and crystal blue lakes. I then would return to my collection of musical instruments at my home and spend the remainder of the night expirementing, learning, creating. yep, that would be the life. no one to interrupt me, no rules to follow...just me being me.

Standards

Verse 1:

Keep your edges straight, and sharp!
Don’t let any substances tear, your life apart!
Say no to drugs, sex and alcohol!
Don’t let yourself get backed up, against that wall!
If you are offered something, just say no way!
You’ll look back and thank, yourself someday!

Chorus:

Keep your guard up don’t ever let it down!
Or you’ll end up on a path, that you, can’t turn around!

Verse 2:

Smokin’ and drinkin’ may seem so very fun!
But you won’t think that when you, when you die young!
You don’t need these things to have, a good time!
Don’t waste your life away, your in your prime!

So keep your edges straight, and sharp!
Don’t let any substances tear, your life apart!

this is a straight edge punk song i wrote today...too bad i don't have a punk band! I need to change that!

some Poetry from the past few months

What have I done?

How did I manage to alienate myself from all that I care about?

What have I done?

To make you so sad

What have I done?

That’s caused you to be so angry with me

What have I done?

I’ve gone and ruined our friendship.

Can You forgive me?

Standing on the edge.

I peer over the side, it’s a long way to the bottom.

I stand there pondering.

Is this the end?

Is this the road to my final destination?

Slowly I begin to shuffle forward.

It feels like years until my toes are hovering over the edge.

I pause.

Then suddenly I run!

I run far away from the cliff.

Today is not my day.

I need to get away from this place!

I need to run away…

To escape the drama,

To escape the people,

To escape the pain.

I need to dissolve into a realm of

Shimmering lakes,

Mossy forests

And snow capped peaks,

Never to return

yeah these are all based on experience

Facebook Party (with myself)

guess i'll have a party by myself now

well i'm just sitting here having a party by myself

listening to the Beatles

blowing up 30+ balloons and writing different chinese characters on them just for the heck of it

and getting cancer from my ceiling light

while wearing an ugly turtle neck sweater

but wait! who is that strange man peering through my window?

ahh! now he's licking the glass

I'm scared!

he's beckoning at me to come outside

NO! I won't do it! I won't go outside

the man is bald and frightening! with a giant scar on his head.

I've never known fear like this

Terrified!

Petrified!

Nervous!

Horror Stricken!

wait a minute! thats not a window! its a mirror!

stop motion

I've decided i need to start doing more stop motions! cause they are super fun and can be quite puzzling at times, trying to figure out how to get certain shots and movements. The main thing is you have to be really patient (which i am). Plus I have the essential equipment, a nice camera, tripod, and the ability to come up with what i think are some pretty good ideas. what i really need though is a good microphone to record sound effects with. anyways, if any of you would like to make a stopmotion with me sometime, let me know and lets do it!

Photo From The Vault

I haven't done one of these in ages. this is from 3/29/05 I was in 5th grade. (10 yrs. old at the time) the entire 5th grade every year would did a "wax museum". we were required to chose a famous person from history, find out facts about them, make a poster and then dress like them. I chose John F. Kennedy.

Things I Need

i really want one of those big life size Skeletons they use for science classes. if i had one, I would do tons of awesome stuff. like pushing it around town in a wheelbarrow just to see how people reacted. Also I'd put it in the passenger seat and drive around with it. of course if I owned one i would be required to make some sweet stop motions featuring the skeleton. it twoul'd be hilarious to dance with a skeleton across a busy crosswalk too. down side, I haven't been able to find one cheaper than $120
Another thing I need is a sweet Sas quatch costume. then i could make hilarious videos of sasquatch sightings. I'd highly enjoy running around the BYU campus in such a costume. One of the main reasons i want one though is to wear skiing. Imagine jumping out of the bushes in a sasquatch costume and chasing some kid down the mountain! Dallas has found a sasquatch costume we could use, but its $100. I haven't seen it yet though, so we'll see what happens.

also, I really want to go snowshoeing. just thought I'd throw that in

The Rules of Being Me!

these are the rules of being me, in no specific order of importance. I'm just going to use a list for organization.

1. Treat Women with respect
2. be ridiculous
3. be a good friend
4. be kind to everyone (even if they don't deserve it)
5. act as ridiculous as you feel like
6. Don't care what anyone says/thinks about you
7. always expand the music collection
8. do crazy stuff, just because I'm me and I can
9. take care of posessions
10. don't go anywhere without an ipod
11. get good grades
12. read classic books
13. don't watch any TV
14. take a my camera on all vacations
15. watch "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" at least once a month
16. go to concerts
17. wear all orange
18. fulfill my delusional impulses
19. work hard
20. take nothing seriously

those are the main ones i can think of right now

Life

things have become strange....twisted.....weird. its all so odd, whats happened? whats happening? my life has been tossed into the blender of insanity. things I would never have perceived have become. backwards! Flipped! Reversed. what does the future hold? is there a future?

Where does the train lead? Did I miss the exit? The ticket to escape this madness? surely there must have been a sign, but no! there was no warning. only a bag of peanuts and a slap in the face.

I Like You

I've always wondered why people can't just come out and say I like you. why is it so hard? fear of rejection is suppose. but who cares? i mean if you get rejected, yeah it sucks but isn't it worth a try? cause you never know what may happen. another interesting thing is: why is the guy always supposed to ask? I think females should as well, otherwise ladies never get the chance to show their feelings. I usually end up telling someone when i like them, but the few times i haven't I sure regret. so now i'm going to challenge all of you and myself to break the social norms and get brave :)

Driving Tips

1. always drive at least 60 MPH over the speedlimit

2. Lie to all cops should you get pulled over

3.drive on the left side of the road between 9 p.m and 4 a.m.

4. close your eyes when driving around all corners

5. use your headlights only during the day

6. drive as fast as you possibly can in the snow

7. if an officer of the law attempts to pull you over, floor it!

8. if you happen to own a paintball gun, drive around and shoot every white car you see

9. when approaching a red light, jump out of the car and do a dance that involves waving your middle fingers in the air

10. only drive backwards on the freeway

but remember kids, always wear a seat belt! (and full body armor)

warning, the previous driving tips created by Mr. Morgan Knapp are all bloody stupid ideas, therefor you should never attempt any of them. If you do decide to be a moron and ignore this warning, you do so at your own risk. Mr Morgan Knapp can not be held liable for any consequences that should come of following such tips.

Scar

Everyone wants to know “how did you get that scar on your head?”

1. I was at a small punk concert a few years back. I got in a fight with this kid trying to tell him that David Bowie is not a punk musician, I argued with him for a while and he started to get really pissed, he pushed, so I punched him, then he picked up a baseball bat and slammed it into my skull. The next thing I knew I was sitting in the hospital with a bandage on my head!

2. the year was 1999, I was five years old and just learning to ride a bike, it was the second time I’d ever rode on asphalt (practiced on a grass hill before). I didn’t quite know how to work the brakes very well and was going way too fast. I came flying around a corner, lost control, went flying off my bike and hit a large rock with my head. Blood was spurting everywhere and we rushed to the hospital fast as we could. I got nine staples and too many stitches to remember. I learned to always wear a helmet…

3. when I was no older than seven, it was discovered that I had a small tumor in my head. It wasn’t really affecting me, but the doctors wanted to get it taken care of so that somewhere down the road it wouldn’t cause any problems. I was super scared about the whole deal, cause I’d never had surgery and I was freaking out that I was going to die(you know how kids over react about everything). It was a scary time in my life. But when the day came around and it was time for me to go under, I mustered up all my courage, gave my parents big hugs. I started shaking and was probably going into shock when the nurse came in with a big needle. She stuck it in my head, and poof, I was out cold. When I awoke my head hurt really bad, but after a few days in the hospital I was allowed to return home. I had to wear a silly bandage on my head for a few days though.

4. Probably about six years ago, my father and I were hiking around our the property we have down by Escalante (southern utah). We were just hiking along and I must have not been paying much attention, but I slipped on a loose rock and went tumbling down a steep rocky hill. It was the scariest thing ever, I was wonder if I would ever stop as I bounced from rock to rock. I remember hitting a rock really hard then seeing blood running down my face, suddenly everything went black. I woke up in a hospital around 4 hours later, having no idea where I was or what had happened. My dad was there and came running in when they told him I had woken up. He asked if I was alright and told me what had happened. And apparently while I was tumbling, I managed to break my ankle as well. So yeah, that’s why I don’t like getting very close to the edge of cliffs or any other tall/steep things I could fall off.

Which story is correct you ask? Well, I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

The Pit

The mosh pit, a form of fighting, a style of dancing, a human pinball machine.
Why is dancing around, shoving and slamming into random strangers so much fun? Why is getting battered and bruised such a pleasurable act to commit at concerts? Since it’s so fun, why don’t more bands create music suitable for this form of pure madness. The genius of it all: in a good pit, its pure fun, dancing around smashing into others, if you fall down everyone helps you up, no throwing punches or actual fighting. It’s a great way to bring people together. You are all there for the music; people tend to forget all their worries and woes. Everyone just enjoys the music (you certainly don’t have to have a mosh pit to bring people together like that) but to me it seems those that are in a pit together come out with a higher level of so to speak friendship and understanding. Plus, who doesn’t like to “beat up” drunk people?

What Is Reality?

What is reality? How can I tell the difference between fact and fiction? These strange happenings that have come to be known as my life… are they real? Or is this merely a dream? Some sick, twisted, creation of my subconscious? Am I even living? Possibly I’m a creation of some loon’s imagination. Maybe I am that loon. Locked in a cell somewhere, eternally hallucinating. Perchance I am nothing more than an idea. Perhaps I’m lying in a bed somewhere dreaming away, still waiting to be woken.

Holy Shit! What Happened to my Hair?

why did I do it? I'm still asking myself that. Maybe cause I wanted to see what it would be like. maybe to be ridiculous. Maybe to say "Fuck you, ya happy now" to everyone thats told me to shave my head. Maybe for the sake of a sweet stopmotion film, or maybe cause i felt like it. the truth is all of the above! I wouldn't be me if I couldn't randomly decide to shave my head without telling anyone. I could honestly care less what people thing of me, so shaving my head isn't really a big deal. I do miss my hair, but I also love how creepy and awesome I look. No I am not a Neo-Nazi (skin head) true Racism is the one thing that pisses me off like none other. Yes I did shave my eyebrows off...just cause i felt like it. the whole process of haircutting was photographed with the intention to turn it into a stopmotion. I'll have it done hopefully soon and post it. Also from here on out I am growing my hair long again.

Forever

eternal life, Immortality. why do so many people want to live forever? I tell you I sure don't! that would be way too boring. especially if you were always getting older. Think, all of your friends would die and you'd be left alone. I personally don't get why you would want that. I hope that I don't live forever. For me that would be hell. even after I die I don't want to live forever in some afterlife. that seems like it would be boring too! Depending on what you believe, supposedly everyone will be perfect in heaven. If everyone is perfect than what are we going to do? there will be nothing to pass the time, no arguments or trouble to get into....boring! Typically religions are about how you get to the afterlife and what is going to happen there. but if I don't want to live forever in an afterlife what am I supposed to do? and who knows maybe my mind will have changed by that time. All I want to do is be able to say goodbye to all my friends and family then simply poof into nothing-ness, knowing that I've had a good life and helped others to have a good one as well.

anyways, just a thought

popular?

lately it seems like I've been really so to speak popular. everyone is always wanting to hang out with me, especially at lunch. but the weird part is it just happened. like overnight. I'm not sayin its good or bad, its just interesting. and the question is why and how did this happen?

"Death Don't Have No Mercy... In The End"

Death. I have no personal fear of death. I've accepted the fact that when its my time to go, its my time to go. Whether it happens tomorrow, next week, 2 months, 3 years, I don't really care too much. I'm certainly not saying I want to die though. the only concern I have about dying is that I don't want it to be hard on my family/friends. Also I need to have a super crazy funeral! everyone wear orange instead of black, throw a crazy dance party with strobe lights. you can still give talks about me or whatever, but not or boring religious stuff (I'll make it to the right place) but rather on crazy stories about things we've done together. Also When I'm being put in the ground there had better be a live band playing! an awesome one too, maybe some hardcore punk so you can all have a funeral mosh. I also require that sometime during my funeral the following songs are played: "Come on up to the House"- Tom Waits, "Death Don't Have no Mercy"- Grateful Dead, "Comes a Time"- Grateful Dead, "Touch of Grey"- Grateful Dead, "Burnin Down the House"- Talking Heads, "Please do not go"- Violent Femmes and I'm sure I can think up tons more, but for sure those ones. and If my funeral isn't awesome like that, no one will be inheriting anything :) I mean funerals are always just so boring and gloomy! I don't want that, its way too boring and unoriginal! Also no crying aloud! (unless its from laughter)

Now that I've told you this, when the time comes, you guys had better follow my wishes. Or else I'll have to come back and haunt everyone (which means appearing at your front door wearing a skirt when you have company over)

Homework

I'm so sick of homework! I loathe coming home from school and having to spend the entire rest of the day doing school work! I think its really really stupid! School would be so much better if there were no such thing as homework! I personally enjoy school (at least most days) but having to do homework makes me begin to hate it! The biggest problem with homework is that it is practically your entire grade. If you don't do it then you fail and if you fail you have no chances at getting a good job. what is the real purpose of homework? to help you learn the material? thats bull shit! If you don't know how to do the work, then going home and having to attempt to do it isn't going to help you any. and If you know how to do it, then whats the point? maybe its a conspiracy to keep us out of "trouble" but if thats the case they fail yet again! cause kids that are gonna get in trouble are gonna get in trouble. having a homework assignment due isn't going to stop anyone from going and having sex or anything like that. what happens is the kid does it anyways and not the homework. Another problem with homework is that so often it is just busy work! i have a simple solution. teach the subject at school, if the kid doesn't get it, then they should be able to stay after school and work with the teacher until they do. simple huh? and no homework required. (if you can't guess i'm pretty pissed about homework).

well, bottom line is forget homework! I'm going to become a hobo :)

My Life's Purpose

Saturday night, I was sitting on facebook Chatting with some friends, when Suddenly and Idea hit me. It was like a bus crashing through my window! I sat up and said "my lifes purpose is to make people happy! to cheer them up when they are feeling down, to be a friend you can always talk to, someone to vent your feelings and frustrations to, an open set of arms always their to embrace people." then I started to think about it more and realized that I've been working on this goal my entire life. I enjoy making people happy. Why am I like this? honestly I don't know, probably because its my lifes purpose. However, today I realized that it is going to be a tough job and that I'm not going to be able to always make everyone happy. But I intend to try my very very very very best and never will I give up!

Timp Lodge

At Walden, once annually we go to Timp Lodge up at Sundance, which is owned by BYU. The Highschool went up Wednesday morning and returned around noon on Friday. Every year we have a dance one night, a talent show the other. We also do a few classes and for part of one day the elementary comes up and we do workshops with them. we also always hike to Stewart Falls. I drove Sage and I up there, the first day was mostly boring, just walked around and talked to people. but that night was the talent show and it was really good. I was super surprised at how many new students performed material. then a few of us walked down to Sundance even though it was closed. We decided to take the short cut back up (through the woods over by the ampitheater) and a few people started freaking out, but I told them I knew the way and we all made it out....I think). Then that night we all went to bed, and the guys were all being way noisy and Carl had to come yell at us mutliple times until finally we were quiet. the next day was better, the little children came up and did workshops, then we went and all hiked Stewart Falls. We returned to eat dinner then chill for a while before the dance started. the dance theme was 80's so we had a trivia game (at which Dallas kicked butt!) and people dressed up all crazy. The dance was the funnest Walden dance I've been to yet. Somehow I lost my shirt during it though and at one point I went in the kitchen and Ethan rubbed Apple crisp all over my chest! After the dance, Sonora decided it would be a good idea to play truth or dare so we went into some room where we wouldn't annoy people. the game quickly turned into Dare or Dare. it was interesting cause the rules were we couldn't move from where we were sitting. so basically all the dares were kissing. Which was kind of awkward, cause Sage kissed my friend and also I kissed two of her friends (which are also some of my new Best friends...but not cause of that). the game ended probably about 2 A.M. then we were going to play spin the lemon, but didn't (probably for the better). so then we just sat around and talked for a while and then Kaitlyn fell asleep on me so it was about 4:30 when we all went to bed. but it was good times! Friday morning we just cleaned the place up and left. It was probably my best Timp Lodge yet!

The Official Story

alright everybody, this is the official story of what is actually going on. So Friday, the Timp Lodge hookup lists went up. Shannen and I were on two of them together, which is a fair assumption, since we have been hanging out a bit. However, we are nothing more than good friends. She was fairly mad about the lists and somehow i got the delusional idea that she was super mad at me. so some of my facebook status's (which I'm sure you saw) were related to that delusion. The truth is, she wasn't/isn't mad at me. I don't really know the details about this, but apparently quite a few people sent her messages asking her why she was "being a bitch to me". I think that is really lame of whoever did it. I understand you are only trying to help, but I can take care of my own problems. In fairness, I shouldn't have posted such things on facebook (especially when they weren't true). The messages that Shannen got caused her to delete her facebook. Although i don't really know any solid details about them, they must have been pretty bad. I'll I'm asking is that those of you who may have sent nasty messages apologize to her and then forget about the whole thing. Because in truth it is all my fault and none of hers.

Shannen, I'm sorry for causing all these problems, pains and troubles for you. I ask for your forgiveness and hope that we can continue being great friends.

A New Chapter

Recently I've been doing some thinking and have decided that I need to show my crazy side more often. A lot of the time when I feel like doing something insane, I hold back. The question is why? Cause I really don't care what people think of me and I certainly have nothing to lose! so from here on out if I feel like being wild, I'm not going to hesitate, I'll just be myself. And we'll have to see what happens!

Music

In all honesty, music is pretty much the only thing that has kept me alive this long. I certainly couldn't live with out it. Every minute I'm at home, I'm almost guaranteed to be listening to music. I rarely go anywhere without an ipod. Through good and bad times I've always been able to just turn on some music and get through the craziness of life. When I'm feeling down, the Grateful Dead always manage to put a smile on my face. anyways with out music I would die!

I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU!!

what don't I believe in? well many things, but this is specifically about "Leagues". like "She is way out of your league". I think that is the stupidest thing ever! there is no such thing as leagues! people that think there are are just stupid. man is created equal. no one is too good for you to like them! just because some one is rich, smart, pretty/handsome, tall, short, older, younger, etc... doesn't mean they're too good for you! if they don't like you, they don't like you, but it is always worth a try isn't it? Cause honestly what are you really going to lose? worse than people that believe in leagues are those that say things like she/he is out of your league. I mean what a rude and terrible thing to say that isn't true. Thats a good way to hurt someones self esteem! Whenever someone says something like that to me or anyone I'm around, it makes me want to punch them. I mean if you want to be stupid and believe that kind of stuff thats your own deal, but don't force it on others.

anyways, moral of the story is there are no such things as "Leagues" so wake up!

Just a Friend

basically this weekend sucked. I'm not going to go into detail on much of it, but turns out that certain girl only likes me as a very good friend. but she has been acting as if she likes me. so i have no idea whats to do! for some reason the effects of that drama haven't set in yet, but when/if they do, its probably going to be very bad.

a sweet and sour day

so today was pretty good. it was going well at school (besides the fact I was starting to fall asleep). but pretty much the moment I left school, it went all down hill from there. I didn't want to go to work, but did anyways. For some strange reason, I was in a depressed mood. Partially due to lack of sleep, homework, and wondering if that certain girl likes me too. So I was just working away, listening to crazy depressing music and deciding that if I were ever to commit suicide which ones I would listen to. Also how I would do it. Obviously those are some pretty horrible thought to be thinking. But I finished stripping the routes and then needed to go wash holds. So as I was sorting the holds to wash I was still listening to my ipod and right after the song "Comes A Time" was a super good drums. That cheered me up a bit. Then I walked outside to start washing holds and the air was just great! It smelled of fall and for some reason that immeadiately cheered me up. Then I got home and decided to listen to the song "Terrapin Station" which always puts me in a great mood. And that is one of the reasons I love the Grateful Dead so much, listening to them can take me from feeling really horrible to amazing!

My Official School Schedule

here is my new schedule as of now, but who knows, cause i've already had to change it 3 times today.

0. early morning seminary @ 7:30
1. Honors Chemistry
2. Pre Calculus
3. Chinese 2 (also War and Peace Lit.)*
4. Astronomy
5. Discreet Math
6. Sociology Through Film
7. Math Major


* I had to Change my Chinese class to third period, to take it since thats the only time the teacher can do it. but I already signed up for War and Peace Lit, since I need and English. But Stephanie is going to let me do the classwork at home, so I won't actually ever go to it.

Photo From the Vault #3

I know I've been a Slacker at doing photo from the vault so i'm going to try and improve.

8/22/05 First day of 6th grade! thats me with my teacher, and this is a really bad picture of the both of us.

Walden Walkabout

Woke up Monday morning, made it to the school about 8:30 and went up to the art room to take my share of the food for the trip. Josh Graham and the new chemistry teacher Dave were our group chaperones. roughly 9:30 we got in the Suburban to leave, and found out that the front passenger door wouldn't close! so we took a bungy cord and wrapped it around the door. when we got to the drop off point (the highline trail in the Uintas) everyone else was there waiting for us. then the girls started off down the trail and a few minutes later we began hiking. we hiked in about 2 miles and everyone took the wrong turn and went to a lake. when we figured out we took the wrong turn, we all headed back and went the right way. Dallas, Ethan and I were partners and walked the whole trail together. on the way we talked about tons of different things. one of the main subjects being girls (but thats all you get to know). we hiked in about 6-8 miles to where we camped at another lake. Ethan made us an amazing dinner with the limited supplieswe had. Dallas put on his camo pants and tied the bottom, then he tried to take them off and got stuck, so he was standing there in his boxers with his pants tied to his ankles, it was hilarious! about 7:30 Dallas, Ethan and I went and got in my tent cause it was super cold! we talked, cracked jokes, and laughed til sometime after midnight. eventually we fell asleep and woke up at 5 a.m. to find that the entire inside of the tent was coated in Ice thanks to condensation and the cold temperature. around like 7, we got out of the tent so we wouldn't get rained on since the sun was starting to come up. after having breakfast and packing up, we left camp and planned to hike 2 miles back down the trail to yet another lake. but that lake was dried up, so we headed back to the lake we got lost at the day before. we got there and set up camp roughly around 3p.m. Then we did solo's for what was supposed to be an hour but pretty much turned out to be 45 min. then Dallas decided it would be a good idea to build a raft and that I should help him. About an hour later, we had built a raft and I was to take the maiden voyage. Dallas and Jeffrey Willeto pushed me out and then Bessie the raft started going crazy, rolling around tipping in all directions. after riding it for about a minute I was thrown off into the lake with nasty slimy mud knee deep. We abandoned Bessie and floated out into the middle of the freezing cold lake on a log and then realized that it was way too deep to touch. Then we began to paddle back towards shore. when we made it to shore, Ethan had made dinner for everyone and it was yet again great. we messed around for a while,Cael who was wearing short short shorts decided it would be a good idea if he tried to smoke part of his shorts that he had just cut off. then had a bead ceremony where we said nice things about eachother. soon after we went to bed and woke up the next morning around 7. ate breakfast, cleaned up camp then headed back to the cars to meet up with the ladies. we had to go about 2 miles that day, but it was all uphill. when we got to the top, all the guys were there, but no girls. after a few minutes, I decided it would be good to go help Dave and a new kid named Max hike(because they were kind of having a hard time). so Josh Graham, Dallas and I went down and helped them by carrying packs and giving them some more water. after that, Dallas and I went back down again to help and of the girls that were struggling make it to the cars because we are fine gentlemen :). we came up with the last of the girls, and went over to the group camp. I played the card game BS with Dallas, Genevieve, "Tea", and Shannen. Shannen won, and I pretty much lost! after we went over by the fire and then Shannen decided we should go for a walk around the lake. so Ethan, Mercedes, Shannen and I set off to walk around the lake. we only made it about 1/4 of the way when we stopped at a boulder and began skipping rocks. it was fun hanging out and talking with them. and a few minutes later Dallas showed up after getting attacked/raped. and we all sat there some more talking and watched the moon come up over the mountains and reflect on the lake. roughly 2 hours after we got there, Carl came and yelled at us to come back to camp. so we all went and sat around the fire. then Dallas and Ethan left so I could spend time with the ladies. so I sat there with my arms around Shannen and Mercedes for a while. then they went to bed and Dallas Ethan and I went around to the other 2 fires and talked with people. when we were all told to go to bed, Ethan started freaking out about the desert he made that night not being good enough which was a lie. We tried to get him to calm down a bit and eventually Dallas fell asleep. Ethan and I continued to talk until about 1 a.m. then fell asleep. I woke up at 6 a.m. and Ethan woke up a few minutes later, then we decided to go start a fire and we helped set everything up for breakfast. then we gathered wood all morning with Dallas and Dave for the fire. Ate breakfast, packed up and left. all in all, it was the best Walkabout I've gone on. We had a great group with tons of cool kids most of them freshmen. and all the new students at Walden are pretty awesome!

Corruption in Provo Pt. 2

A few hours after calling the Mayor, we headed over to the lot to see if we could negotiate anything and get the car back. when we pulled up, no one was really around and the car was sitting there. my dad and I were going to go in, when suddenly my mom gets out of the car and says i'm going to go get it. So she walks right in there, unlocks the car, jumps in and drives off!! It was about the most awesome thing ever!!! Just over a half hour later a Provo cop shows up at our door. apparently the secretary had seen my mom take off with the car. The cop was pretty nice, but basically he said you can go pay the $200 or get Sued and you will lose. so he made us go to the towing place and then he came and tried to figure out with the lady there why the price was $200 rather than $157 like the sign said. She said there is a $25 storage fee and a $30 paperwork fee. the cop looked the stuff over and said yep "they've got you on that one". so we payed the $200 to the Provo Mafia and left. one thing we did learn though, is that the companies don't get any sort of kickback from the towing company. so we are wondering why anyone would let those slimy scum bags tow cars from their lot. In Provo, tow trucks drive around all night like vultures just searching for anyone they can tow and steal $200 from! anyways, my dad is going to meet with the owner of the towing company Monday. we're pretty sure nothing will come of it, but worth a try I suppose. we are also going to make a documentary about the corruptness of towing in Provo, write a letter to the editor talking about it and have a link to the video (basically saying, buisnesses why are you letting the towing companies do this?). I think it will open some peoples eyes and be really good. Another thing I am thinking, is we should have just let them sue! Because technically I believe they would have to sue me, because I'm the one who parked there and wouldn't have payed the fee. In which case, it would screw them over, cause they sure wouldn't get more than a hundred or so dollars and it would cost them much more than that in Legal fees. Anyways, I will keep everyone posted on the Corruption of the Provo Mafia and their towing company

Corruption in Provo

Thursday the 19th I drove our Suburban to a friends concert at Muse in Provo. I couldn't find anywhere to park on either side of the street for a few blocks, so I went around the corner and parked at the Pro Title building. I parked in their parking lot, and somehow missed the signs that said cars will be towed at owners expense blah blah blah. so I met up with Dallas and went inside. after our friends played, we came out to the car and put Dallas's pogo stick in the back (thats a different story) it was about 9 p.m. at that time. then we went back inside to watch the other band perform. they were pretty awesome. then Dallas and I walked to the car (about 10:00) only to find that it was gone! I specifically remembered locking the car, so I discovered that it had been towed! Called my dad, he came and got us. we called the number on the towing sign to discover that the car had in fact been towed and it would be $200 to get it back!! when in fact the sign says $157. my dad told them on the phone that they'd have better towed us to Idaho for that price! however they only towed us 1-3 miles! (we're going to go measure the actual distance soon). the next morning we called the buisness owners to see what they could do about it. the buisness was closed when I parked there and I certainly wasn't hurting them at all!! they said that they have to be careful how late the stay at work or they'll get towed! so we called the mayor and he said that seemed ridiculous that it costs $200 for a towing fee, he said he'd look into it.

Photo From the Vault #2

this is from 5/31/04. I'm holding my new brother Zeyan at the hospital. with the rest of my siblings at the time gathered round

Well last night I talked to two future Waldeneers. they seem pretty cool. One of them happens to be named Morgan.....guess I won't be the only one anymore. they both seemed pretty psyched for school to start.

past week

well, I haven't really done anything super exciting this last week. just workin. although I have been writing/ working on a few Bass lines. they're alright, I have written one I really really like yet though.

Photo From the Vault

I've decided to do a thing that I call Photo From the Vault. So every Friday, I am going to put up a random photo that has me in it. If the photo has a particular story I'll certainly tell it. This one is me and my first Brother Eli taken on October 22, 2003. He was 11 months old, I was 9

Goodbye Rebecca

well I woke up yesterday at about 4:30 pm, feeling a lot less sick, and went to my Aunt and Uncles to hang out with Rebecca the girl from Italy, who has been staying with them for most of the summer. It was the last time I got to see her, cause her plane left today at 4:00 pm. It was good times, we ate pizza, played Old Maid in the backyard, talked and chilled, and also took some hilarious/super scary photos. She really didn't want to leave and badly wants to come back next year. she also told me that she would like to come live here and go to BYU. She also wants to stay, cause "Italian boys are short and ugly, but American boys are hot". Anyways, I hope she can come back and visit next year, cause she is pretty hilarious and its fun to ask her questions ans such.

Sick!

well, today I woke up feeling sick....and you all know how fun that is! so anyways, I'm missing work today, but even worse than that, I had to reschedule my road test with the DMV that was supposed to be today! Which really makes me mad cause after I complete it, I'll have me liscense! Now I have to wait til August 10th (my dads birthday) to do it. Another horrible thing is that My Uncle has had an Argentine girl (who has been living in Italy for a few years) living with him all summer and she is flying back to Italy tomorrow. So Tonight we are going to have a party and go bowling with her. She is pretty hilarious, and really doesn't want to go home. My uncle met her family when he went on a mission to Argentina and so her parents had her come out here to see what America is like, and also because she is the only LDS girl at her school, they wanted her to experience life here in utah where nearly everyone is Mormon. but she says that she likes American boys way more than Italian, cause Italian boys are short :) bottom line is, it sucks being sick! and why today of all days?

Concerts I've Been To

1995
1.The Grateful dead (when I was about 1 year old @ the Delta Center)
2007
2.Bob Dylan (2 consecutive nights @ Red Rocks Ampitheatre in Colorado)
2008
3.The Vandals (@ the Venue)
4.Bad Manners (@ the Venue)
5.Bob Dylan (@ Deer Valley)
6.Henry Rollins Spoken Word (@ Murray Theater)
7.Stan Ridgway (@ the Bit N' Spur)
2009
8.The Doobie Brothers (opening for the Dead @ the Gorge)
8.The Allman Brothers (opening for the Dead @ the Gorge)
8.The Dead (@ the Gorge in Washington)
9.Gogol Bordello (@ Murray Theater)
10.The Offspring (Big Ass Show @ Usana)
11.The Vibrant Sound (@ Velour)
12.Rancid (@ the Venue)
13.Bob Dylan (@ Saltair)
14.2 and 1/2 White Guys (@ Main St. Theater)
2010
15.Paul McCartney (@ Rio Tinto Stadium)
16.The Rhythm Devils (@ Red Butte Gardens)

Those are all the concerts I've been to (or at least that I can think of right now)
and I hope to see Bob Dylan again this Aug 17th!

School Schedule

As of now, this is my school schedule (in case you want to stalk me)

1st. Honors Chemistry
2nd. Outdoor Rec.
3rd. Literature of War and Peace
4th. Pre Calculus
5th. Discreet Math
6th. Chinese 2
7th. Math Major

yep, I'm taking quite a few Josh Faulkner classes. Figured I'd better get them before he's gone! and that will leave me with 4 years of math credit.

What A Day

today started out highly uneventful. but as the time ticked on it began to get better and better. It began at Bass lessons. nothing super exciting happened there, but then my mom decided she would forget about me and leave me there for an extra hour! that really sucked! Then I came home and had to mow the lawn which also sucked, but then it started raining and with lightning fairly near by I quit halfway through. Then I began to clean my room and got a lot of stuff moved out that I haven't used in forever. So its looking pretty good right now. I was on facebook while cleaning and had a fun/interesting conversation with Ashley. Soon after she got off, I began talking to a friend whom I haven't seen in about a year, and was highly excited to find that she is coming back to Walden this year. Very unfortunately we won't have any classes together which really really really really sucks! but it will be good to see her and hang out at lunch and such. But She is planning on taking Photo J so I told her we ought to go shooting sometime, which would be super fun, but we'll see. and the name of this mystery friend happens to be Shannen. Anyways, it was good talking to her, and I am quite excited for school to start now.

Rhythm Devils

Last Night, I went to the Rhythm Devils concert at Red Butte Garden in SLC. The Rhythm Devils are Bill Kreutzmann and Mickey Hart (the two Drummers/percussionists of the Grateful Dead) with a bass player, two guitarists and an African man playing a Talking Drum! It was a super great concert and they played a lot of Grateful Dead songs plus some of their own Rhythm Devils songs. It was an experience truly beyond words. The highlights of the show for me were when they played an amazing Cold Rain and Snow and also a Scarlet Begonias/Fire On the Mountain jam. I have to admit that some of the most spiritual moments in my life have been at concerts, and that was one of them. Truly no better way to spend an evening! I hope to have the opportunity to see them again soon. And I pray every day that the Dead will tour again soon!

The Beggining

Well, I've decided to start a blog, for a few reasons: to keep me entertained, to inform people of the craziness/excitement of my life, and at the same time work sort of as a journal. so I hope you all enjoy!